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Old 20th May 2017, 20:12
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Default NPD NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER di Indonesia

Narsis dan NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), istilahnya dua polar atau kutub, yang satu di kiri, yang kadarnya diperlukan sebagai manusia, selama kadarnya pas, NPD di sisi kanan, ketika kadarnya sudah berlebihan dan dianggap tidak "normal". Walaupun, apakah "normal" itu? Yang seperti apakah normal itu?

Buku yang saya sarankan bagi kaum awam dan pemula adalah : Will I ever Be Good Enough, karangan Karyl McBride, Ph.D.

Untuk YouTube, Karyl memiliki beberapa video singkat, search words nama beliau.

Video lain yang menurut saya baik dicerna ialah dengan search words : lisa a romano narcissist (narcissist ditik supaya langsung ke video-video dengan penekanan pada isu NPD).

Thread ini dibuat sebagai wadah sharing pengalaman, ide buku-buku, video, dll.

Semua orang berhak hidup dengan damai dan bahagia.

source : http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com...mother-survey/

Narcissism is a spectrum disorder with the most severe end of the spectrum considered a narcissistic personality disorder. A woman can have several narcissistic traits and not fit the personality disorder. Mothers with only a few traits listed can negatively affect their daughters in insidious ways which is explained in Dr. McBride's book.

(Check all those that apply to your relationship with your mother)

1. When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she divert the discussion to talk about herself?

2. When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she try to top the feeling with her own?

3. Does your mother act jealous of you?

4. Does your mother lack empathy for your feelings?

5. Does your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a "good mother"?

6. Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?

7. Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?

8. Does your mother only do things for you when others can see?

9 When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce) does your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?

10. Is or was your mother overly conscious of what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?

11. Does your mother deny her own feelings?

12. Does your mother blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for her feelings or actions?

13. Is or was your mother hurt easily and then carried a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?

14. Do you feel you were a slave to your mother?

15. Do you feel you were responsible for your mother's ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?

16. Did you have to take care of your mother's physical needs as a child?

17. Do you feel unaccepted by your mother?

18. Do you feel your mother was critical of you?

19. Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?

20. Are you shamed often by your mother?

21. Do you feel your mother knows the real you?

22. Does your mother act like the world should revolve around her?

23. Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?

24. Does your mother appear phony to you?

25. Does your mother want to control your choices?

26. Does your mother swing from egotistical to a depressed mood?

27. Did you feel you had to take care of your mother's emotional needs as a child?

28. Do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?

29. Do you feel valued by mother for what you do rather than who you are?

30. Is your mother controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?

31. Does your mother make you act different from how you really feel?

32. Does your mother compete with you?

33. Does your mother always have to have things her way?

Note: All of these questions relate to narcissistic traits. The more questions you checked, the more likely your mother has narcissistic traits and this has caused some difficulty for you as a growing daughter and adult.

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Untuk yang mungkin ngerasa jleb atau mrebes mili waktu baca list di atas, welcome to the club of the daughters of Narcissistic Personality Disorder mother.

It's not you. You are not crazy. It is your mother.

Atau mungkin juga NPD Mother in Law.

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Dari buku Karyl McBride, NPD mom kalau :

- Anaknya cewek semua, salah satu Scapegoat daughter, salah satunya lagi Golden child.
- Anaknya cewek cowok, bisa dipastikan yg cowok Golden child, yang cewek Scapegoat daughter.

NPD mom ada 2 tipe perlakuan ke Scapegoat daughter :

1. Sebagai NPD Mom yang super kepo, super posesif. Tiap detik tiap menit anaknya mesti lapor. Ikut campur dalam hal apapun walau anaknya sudah dewasa.

2. Sebagai NPD Mom yang super abandone anaknya. Mau anaknya ke mana atau mau gimana, enggak mau peduli. Si anak apa apa sendiri kaya enggak punya ibu.

Biasanya, Scapegoat daughter ketika dewasa, salah satu dari 2 kemungkinan :

1. Dari remaja abg pelarian ke drugs, nakal, menyilet diri, sex bebas, crimes etc, pelarian merasa diri tidak berguna, atau sebagai pemberontak mencari kebebasan. Di luar negeri, kalau anak anak ini enggak kuat iman, banyak yang memilih untuk bunuh diri.

2. Become high achiever yg sukses di segala hal,selalu berprestasi baik dan perfeksionis yang sangat bekerja keras dan susah merasa puas, sebagai akibat ingin membuktikan diri setelah terus menerus disakitin dan dianggap remeh atau dianggap enggak ada. Atau supaya dianggap bisa membanggakan, beharga.

Duaduanya kontras, yang satu keliatan sebagai sampah masyarakat, yang satu keliatan sukses, tapi dua-duanya sama-sama pedih batinnya.

Scapegoat, ketika jadi ibu, bisa ambil yg kontras dari NPD mom. Misal dulu ibunya tipe yang posesif, dia berpikir, enggak mau jadi ibu yang sprti itu, tapi malah jadi NPD mom yang ignore abandone anaknya.

Atau sebaliknya, yang dulunya ibunya ignore abandone, setelah jadi ibu, malah jadi yang posesif.

Dua-duanya tidak baik. Harusnya balance. Di buku Karyl, bab-bab terakhir, dibahas sedikit tentang menjadi ibu yang balance. Mencegah terjadinya silang kontras si Scapegoat daughter maunya berbuat yang beda, kontras dengan yang NPD mom buat dulu, tapi malah ya sama-sama NPD mom jatuhnya. Scapegoat daughter masih bisa dicegah supaya enggak jadi NPD mom, baik yamg tekniknya sama maupun yang milih teknik kontras.

Sedangkan Golden child, yang anak perempuan, udah pasti jadi NPD mom yang akan re-create mamanya dulu, ke anaknya, kalau ini sudah susah dicegah. Karena gak akan merasa salah, secara ibunya, NPD mom, perfect, dan dia, NPD mom's daughter the Golden child yg perfect.

Si anak laki the Golden child, biasanya dapat istri yang NPD, karena merasa bertemu sosok yang mengingatkan pada "ibu", berasa home-y. Si anak laki ini akan jadi NPD father juga, secara dia tumbuh di golden golden oleh ibunya, dibilang perfect. NPD man bisa juga enggak dapat istri NPD, kalau ayah dia yang NPD dulunya, atau dia lebih kuat dominan.

Scapegoat daughter juga harus hati hati mencari pasangan hidup, karena bisa jatuh hati dengan NPD man, atau NPD mother in law, karena merasa home-y. Atau belum terkuak serigala berbulu dombanya. karena, kalau jatuh ke lubang yang sama, hidup dengan NPD man, atau NPD mother in law, apalagi ada NPD sister in law, akan mengulang "derita" yang sama yang dulu dialami ketika hidup dengan ibu NPD.

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to be continued ..

Last edited by vhilek.ololeho; 6th November 2017 at 03:34..
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